Excerpt from Amy Edelstein’s book Love, Marriage & Evolution: Chapter 8

Part of the tension that can occur in a relationship is when one person is going through a period of intense growth and their partner is in a period of assimilation or integration.

We don’t always stay in the same rhythm of development together. That’s okay. Successfully managing these poles means we have become more mature about each of our individuation processes and the differences between us. Allowing differences to be what they are and creating a home environment that supports both individuals in their independent rhythms maximizes what’s possible between two people who care about each other and care about transformation.

The world needs more people who are mature about human development and able to navigate it with real skill, sensitivity, and compassion.

At times, you and your partner may seem to be at odds. Listen carefully, and be sure to interpret your competing rhythms accurately. Just because one person is not going through a period of fireworks and growth spurts doesn’t mean they’re not developing. It might mean that they aren’t, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that. At times when our rhythms are out of sync, then we talk about it. When we articulate what’s happening, we can better understand these dynamics and give each other the space or push each needs. What in our rhythms with each other is wholesome? What has become stale? How can we work together differently? By working to understand these polarities, we also hone our ability to work together, a process that creates true intimacy. Sharing our development together in this way, we form bonds and successes that make us closer.

The better we understand how human beings develop—the less likely we are to damage each other, like in the example of the child and the bean sprout. Over-enthusiasm, an overemphasis on growth, or unskillful pressure on areas of resistance, can squelch or stress a healthy developmental process. When we mature in our understanding of the complexities of human nature and consciousness we are in a position to facilitate the process of conscious evolution. And we can do this in our relationships because we’ve generated trust and intimacy between us. We can allow ourselves to explore these things not only to make our relationship better—which it will—but also to become cultural-change pioneers.

The world needs more people who are mature about human development and able to navigate it with real skill, sensitivity, and compassion. As we learn how to work this in our home environment, we bring that knowledge and sensitivity with us wherever we are, into all our relationships, into our workplace, our schools, our congregations of worship, wherever we may be in the shared environment of our culture. We need more of this awakeness in our world.

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This is an excerpt from Amy Edelstein’s new book Love, Marriage & Evolution. If you like what you read here, please download the entire book and share this content with friends and family.