Are you in a relationship? Wishing you were in a relationship? Just got out of one that you never want to repeat? Ready for something more meaningful, lasting, transformative but don’t know where to begin?
We’re social creatures. Like other primates, we like to be close, feel safe, have companionship, a mate. It’s a central aspect of human community. No wonder so many of us spend so much time thinking about this area of life, talking about it with our friends, writing songs about it…. But we don’t just want to couple. As self-aware creatures we also want to infuse our life with meaning and purpose. With direction and depth. With Spirit and a sense of the sacred. So why does it seem so hard, to have a meaningful and loving relationship and just to find good information on the subject overall? What makes a relationship last? What leads to fulfillment? What’s worth your time over months, years, or decades? How we think about relationships, what we value, and what we expect is far more a cultural matter than a personal one. What our social values, ethics, and mores are, shapes the contours of our coupling in very significant ways. So let’s look at a cultural perspective that can help make sense of this tricky area of life. In this class, we’re going to talk about the foundations of a spiritualized relationship. I’m going to show you an orientation that is both simple and profound. If you practice and internalize this, it can make all the difference in good times and in challenging ones. Here are the 10 key ideas of a spiritual and developmentally oriented relationship:
The Top 10 Big Ideas
Work Together, Not on Each Other
Working together on your higher aspirations, not on each other puts your attention on something inherently thrilling, uplifting, worth working for, and just perfectly out of reach. Most couples, in the name of getting closer, spend a lot of time pointing out to each other the faults, things that irritate, habits that if they just changed everything would be perfect. We all are a work in progress. Some things do need to change. And we do need reflection from people who love us and who we love to help us see ourselves from the outside-in. But, we won’t get to the end we desire through corrections. We get to the end by starting there. Starting with our highest goals that we share. Be a team together, working in harmony towards a common aspiration that uplifts us, challenges us, and calls for the best in us. It’ll be a lot more fun.
Make Time for Spirit
Talk about your spiritual intimations together. Set aside some time where you specifically talk about that which is hard to put into words. In traditional cultures, the holidays, meals, special rest days in each week gave couples a way to bring the sacred into the home. Many of us no longer live our lives in those rhythms. But we can create a time of day or week, a space, however small in our home that focus our attention on the contemplation of the sacred.
Create a time to speak about your sense of Spirit together. Focus on listening deeply to where the other is speaking from. The numinous is hard to express. The words aren’t always right. They seem clumsy. Inadequate. That’s part of the delight. Finding words for that which is beyond the mind. Support each other to articulate that which is, and always will be, a mystery.
Set Shared Agreements
Now that you’ve brought to the forefront a much bigger context than you’re usually aware of, you have space to work together on more specific issues. You’ve established that you are standing side by side, looking towards the infinite palette of our higher human potentials together. No one has a road map for this. This is part of the grand adventure of Life together. From this posture, set your shared agreements. How do you want to work together? How do you want to deal with finances? Children? Fidelity? Time together and apart? Making these areas conscious allows communication about the essential principles. Not the “rules” of relationship but the fundamental shared agreements that you both care about and that will create the roadways for your living exploration of the joy of relatedness without getting lost or driving into a dangerous ravine.
Ground Yourself in Depth
Plant your own roots in Spirit. Your partnership may elevate you both, but it also rests on the deepest place you’re rooted. What is your foundation? Where are you drawing your nourishment from? Is it from a source that is infinite and inexhaustible? Ground in that depth of Spirit that has no bottom, no beginning or end. This creates a ballast in your relationship. It creates ease. Trust. Intimacy. Love.
Cultivate Shared Consciousness
Relationships are living organisms. Each of us is a separate entity. The consciousness between us that we share has its own integrity, its own “wholeness.” It is a unit unto itself. Respect the consciousness of the relationship. Give it space, time, and care so it flourishes. Become sensitive and learn how to support that consciousness between you. Fill it with light and ease. Keep it static free. A clear and transparent consciousness between us allows us to grow and change and evolve over time, independently and together. That’s a beautiful thing to watch.
Watch the entire class with a free 10-day pass here!